(a blast from the past, dear friend! the web version without the drawings... out in the sunshine... written a purple eternity ago for a very sparkly twinkly one. I think you know who you are... I would have loved to take you to sit with you under my tree for a while. I could not have written this without you!)
Hello!
My name is Skyhobbes!
I have a funny name,
big feet,
I am blue and my ears are out of control, they do what they want.
//
When I feel sad (it happens sometimes), I want to hide from the world so I can pretend nobody sees me.
I go to a very special place where I have a very strange and special friend.
It is a tree...
but not just any tree.
It is my favorite tree in the world.
Let me tell you the story…
//
So one day when I was feeling very, very sad, (it happens from time to time), even bluer than normal which is VERY BLUE for a blue rabbit!! I went walking in the park. It is a very very VERY big park, so big, I nearly got lost!!
I found a path and it went on and on...
and on and on...
and on and on...
Past a railway track, but there was no train on it...
and past a restaurant near a pond where I saw swans... and ducks...
Over a bridge, a suspended bridge that was a bit scary because it was so wobbly...
//
to another part of the park... and another path, with lots of trees on its side, by pairs
and room (grass) for picnics and barbecues...
and people walking and chatting...
and people sitting down and having a rest on benches...
and people playing ball...
and riding bicycles...
and past a very pretty flower bed - with lots of roses so you wouldn't want to lay down on it, because of the thorns!
I walked past all of that...
//
Until I saw
//
a tree that looked different because its leaves were darker than the leaves on the other trees. It was a very BIG tree! with very big roots.
Not only did it LOOK big, it also FELT big, if you know what I mean.
It felt like the biggest tree EVER, I liked it STRAIGHTAWAY.
So I slowed down a little...
and walked a little closer...
//
The tree's branches go down very low around it...
So I walked around carefully.
Through the many dark leaves I saw (could see) the tree's trunk and roots, and they looked all very rough and bumpy. But I kept walking, wondering what to do...
until...
I felt the wind and heard the leaves rustle and saw that two branches looked higher than the others,
like the tree was showing me the way in
like there was a door!!
//
So I went in.
I touched a leaf and I said
"Hello Tree, I do not know you"
The trunk was even taller and bigger from there but the roots looked much smoother and so I sat down on one that looked comfortable, and it felt like an armchair.
So now I was sitting on the inside of the tree! The branches and leaves all around. Comfortably sitting down in an armchair.
I felt happy and safe with branches all around.
The light was different. Clearer.
//
I wondered what it must be like to be a tree with very very deep roots that go
//
down into the earth, past the rabbit holes, past the fox holes
very deep reaching for the center of the earth.
I wondered what it must be like to be so big and heavy and to be so tall, taller than buildings, taller than humans, I wondered what it must be like to reach for the sky.
I wondered what it must be like to have branches covered with leaves, branches that grow in the spring and bloom in the summer and bear fruit, branches whose leaves fall off in one last beautiful dance in the autumn, and all the inner secret longing preparation to life in winter, I wondered what it must be like to get all dressed up in the summer and then be naked all winter!
I wondered what it felt like for a tree to feel rain dew treackle at dawn, and angry stormy rain in the day sometimes, and capricious wind and also sometimes soft warm wind in the summer... what about soft velvet snow and what about harsh grail stones?
//
I wondered if sunrise was prettier from on top: I wondered if trees are in awe of sunset the way we are. I wondered if trees long for the sunshine the way we do?
And I felt so big and wide, so beautiful and expanding, so proud and I imagined reaching down to the center of the earth and then up to the sky, I imagined blooming and growing and fruiting and preparing for another cycle, I imagined all that and I imagined sun warming my leaves and ripening the fruit ready for the seeds to grow and go and see the world, I imagined the rain cool and rhythmic, and the storms trees have no shelter from, and snow, and moonshine.
I imagined all of that,
in the comfortable armchair
where light is clearer.
And I said to the tree:
"is that how it is?"
//
And I thought
maybe the tree is wondering what it is like to stretch my legs, and run as fast as I can; faster faster faster than the wind, and tumble down giggling and breathless...
or maybe the tree is wondering what it is like to feel all warm under the cover at night time just before going to sleep after a long exciting day, all safe and snuggled up and tucked in.
And so I said
"do you wonder about these things"
It went very peaceful and calm and that moment lasted forever.
Because time is different for trees. They live longer than we do. Much longer! Time is slower for them. Seasons for us are like days to them and years to us are like seasons to them and maybe that is why it felt so soothing and calm and safe to sit under my tree for a while...
And after a while I think it said to me
//
"My little friend, you must go now. You have stayed here long enough today, and now you are calm again, you must go back. Our times are different. Indeed we may meet for a while, but a human cannot stay forever in tree time, nor can a tree stay forever in human time. For that is not where we belong and it is not for us to be where we do not belong. There is a time and place for each one of us, and we must be wise and patient enough to listen to that!
Now go my little friend, go in peace, go with the slow calm peace I have given you from the time of the trees, just as you leave behind you the excitement and entertainment that belongs to your world...
Go now and don't turn back, and come again soon when the time feels right, for now we are friends!"
Of course I did not hear this in words, for trees do not have mouths to speak and gossip... it is difficult to explain, I heard it in my heart. I heard it in my imagination. I heard it on the wind's breath.
Although I really wanted to stay a bit longer, I did not, because I thought it would be awfully rude to outstay my welcome, in any case, the armchair I had been sitting on grew uncomfortable, it turned back into rough bumpy roots, so I said:
"My tree friend, it is time for me to go now. I had a very magical time here, thank you. I feel recharged and calm, light and happy, but now I must go. I will come back when the time feels right, for now we are friends."
And I got up, left and did not turn back.
//
Isn't it funny with magic doors, they are never where you left them... the branches had moved... there was another door...
So I walked out, touched a leaf on the doorstep, and said
"Good bye tree my friend"
//
Many, many times have I visited my tree friend.
The times mix in my memory but one thing stays. The peace there. The different light because it comes from the heart. The clarity, the slow time, the joy to feel a familiar presence, the energy...
Sometimes I went there because I was feeling sad or unsure or angry or even bluer than regular blue and my tree friend would show me the bright way to see things, or tell me the fair way to do things, the big way, or it would calm me down and sometimes it would just be there and feel nice and just make things better by just being there...
Sometimes I (went there because I was feeling) felt happy and chirpy and twinkeley (and sparkley) and smiley and I felt it was calling me because I think it wanted to share that with me too.
I think that is really what friends are about.
Do you have a special place you go to? Do you have a special friend?
//
Sometimes I would feel my tree friend calling me in my heart, I would hear my tree friend calling me in the wind song like the wind whispered my name, and I was allowed to walk faster to go and see it. I would start feeling my tree friend well before I actually saw it. I would feel it getting ready for me. Does that seem strange? but trees are even bigger underground that what our eyes see and its roots spread out very deep and also very wide, it felt me arrive the same way I felt I was getting nearer.
But if I was going to see it because I wanted to , I was never allowed to be impatient, I had to walk slowly, enjoy the walk, look at the sky and clouds and funny shapes, walk over the bridge and watch the cars underneath but not for too long because it is rather wobbly a bridge, hear the birds and watch out for the rabbits, squirrels, swans and ducks, admire the flower beds that one would not lay on because of the thorns, catch the odd ball that had not been thrown properly... and find pretty things in all of that.
Sometimes I was not even allowed to look for my tree friend. But I always found it. And I always felt that gladness in my heart when I saw him.
And then my tree friend would show me the way in, different every time, and make a seat for me, comfortable every time.
Every time my tree friend would make a door for me and show me the way in, new one every time because every time was different!
Well I say every time but that is not quite true.
//
Once I was so impatient to see my tree friend that I walked really quickly. I forgot to look at the bridge and check if it was any wobblier than usual and count the red cars I saw, and I ignored the swans and ducks in the pond, I did not look out for the squirrels nor listen to the birds, and did not look at the beautiful flower bed (and I did not see its thorns either, which could have been dangerous had I wanted to lay down but I did not because I was impatient to arrive remember) - and I rushed to my tree. And when I stood in front of it, I found no door, no way in, my tree was not ready...
So I walked a little further and came back later. It said it had not been given the time to get ready and make itself available for a guest-friend it was busy with tree world things I think like preparing leaves!
//
One day it was special because on my way out my tree friend said to me (well, I imagined the words in my heart, I heard them in the wind song)
"Today, when you go, you can sit against another tree and lean on it, and look, look at me my little friend, because today I have something to show you!"
I was very surprised because usually I am not allowed to turn back and this time my tree friend was asking me to do so? But I did not question the order because in my heart in the wind, it did not feel like something that should be questioned, and at the same time I felt free to do as I wanted and I felt I was going to see something very special.
Indeed I did. I walked a few steps back and sat against the trees that peel in spring. And although it was a very warm August afternoon, I saw orange and red and brown and green dancing together to strange and beautiful patterns in the wind and I thought to myself is my tree friend trying to say something of me? But it was making no sense so I gave up trying and just surrended to beauty, it was just so extraordinarily unique and pretty to look at. In fact it was so beautiful and strange and pretty that it felt like a gift. So I watched and accepted the gift as it was, gratefully until my eyes were full and I had room for no more. And I said to my tree friend
"My tree friend, you have shown me something I had never seen before, and it is more beautiful than anything I could have imagined. I am very thankful and what I saw and felt I will never forget."
My tree friend whispered something in the wind I took days to understand... it said:
"I have shown you my heart"
Maybe my tree friend showed me that because it knew I would sit and watch with patience and respect and acceptance and love, look no more than I could take and without trying to always make sense…
Indeed I am happy that I was concentrated and accepting whilst looking because the honor was so big I think it only happens once. Yet if I close my eyes I can is the ballet of colors all over again. So did it happen once or does it happen all the time? Each time I think of that moment I still feel very much in awe.
//
How long did I stay under my tree? I cannot say, time was different. I stayed, until I had to go, until I wanted to go, until I felt better, until I saw true, until the next moment had come, how long? Until the roots got uncomfortable, until my tree friend needed to go back to doing tree things again, and sometimes the time passed slowly and sometimes the time passed quickly and sometimes I had to go when the sun would shine through the clouds and not before and sometimes I had to leave before the sun came out again, it was different every time, there was no rule.
Actually I think there was a rule: I could stay as long as I was listening to the wind and its songs, and when it got too much, maybe that is when I had to go... have you tried listening to the wind? It is very talkative if you listen properly and go completely silent inside, but, well, it can get tiresome if you listen too long... and it never repeats itself, it says tings only once when the time is right for you to hear, which is why if you stop listening properly, well it stops speaking to you - it says things only once, but it does only speak the truth.
One day under my tree,
sitting in the armchair different every time,
comfortable every time, so in a way both different and the same every time, I was very chatty and chirpy that day and said
"Well my tree friend who do you chat to and how do you get news from the world?"
And for once it laughed, had I forgotten that the roots were the first underground network ever?
Roots entwined to other trees' roots, the news went fast, and in my mind I saw a picture of this underground network and indeed I smiled, and I thought
//
if only we knew how to listen to our trees, how much we would learn about the story of our earth, stories about rain and sunshine, and wind and long winters, stories about different birds that no longer exist, different animals we find it hard to spell, stories that maybe they heard of by the roots of the trees who made them seeds, stories we would not even dare imagine, important stories that tell us about where we come from and where we are going to, stories that show us who we are...
because you have to remember that time is different for trees, it is slower because they are bigger and live very much longer than we do, so in a way they are our memory and our hope.
And I thought, every tree is a history book, even the way it grew, it tells us the history of earth and nature.
Have you ever thought that your grandparents' grandparents' grandparents might have been sitting on this tree's roots just the way you are now and maybe just the way your grandchildren's grandchildren's grandchildren might be, wondering what I was talking about to my tree friend?
Chatting about things that are important to me, trying to see the truth in things... but trees have seen it all before and they will see it all again, they see in us not the fruit nor the seed, they see the stem... what seems strange to us is just part of a pattern for them... oh... could we learn how to listen to their slow wisdom...
//
Sometimes when I left it would show me (just to the door, and other times) the door out, and it would take me right to the end of where its roots stretched out, and it showed me to its rootfriends, long thin ballet dancer trees swirling in the wind, then to the short fat guys peacefully playing chess, through the short span humans playing ball and chatting in the summer or sometimes singing poetry in the breeze of warm musical wind, it showed me right out the park, past the water bearing statue forever waiting for her jug to fill, past a few other pretty trees, that I felt less alive but maybe that is only because I liked my tree friend best of all, but it did not ever show me past the bridge and the flower bed, because, I don't know why.
And sometimes it showed me a door that was on the way home and sometimes it showed me a door to further in the park.
My tree friend is a very special tree and a very special friend.
//
Often I have gone there to hide form the world yet I felt more connected to the real world.
I have gone there feeling bound to what seemed like very important problems I could not find my way out of like a plate of spaghettis, and left realizing how beside the point these problems were. I have gone there feeling puzzled and hurt by other people's reactions and left from there realizing how I can also have these reactions, so I should learn to consider them with more patience in other people. I have gone there feeling misunderstood and angry against other people and under a different light I realized other people were feeling exactly the same way. Often I have arrived with questions and left with answers that led me to other questions.
Like riddles.
That took days and days to solve.
Like when you throw a pebble in the pond, the ripples take ages to get to the edge of the water, just like the answer of a riddle takes days to reach the edge of the mind.
Have you ever watched ripples in a pond?
//
One day I was feeling sick because of sadness in my heart, I was missing a human friend who lives very far and whom I do not see very often. He has a very beautiful soul and a very big heart, eyes to see and ears to listen and he loves and understands earth and nature. He is probably the only human friend I would go and see my tree friend with. That day I wanted to sit under my tree to see the world differently and listen to the wind's poetry. But my tree friend said
"no not today my little friend, for I too am sad, and I would have nothing but sadness to share today, and it would make me even more sad to see you sad too, and make you even more sad to feel me sad... go my little friend, go, but come back soon for we are friends..."
Should one share everything with friends, should one share one's sadness with friends?
And I thought of my human friend and I thought of my tree friend and I took them for a sunny walk in the park and I hoped it would make everybody feel better and smile again.
Sometimes friends know and feel each other better than they know and feel themselves: the same as I did not go in when there was not a door and armchair ready for me, maybe that time my tree friend felt I was not available right then, and was telling me I was not ready for a tree world moment because my heart needed to deal with human things...
//
As far as I know, my tree friend is still where I know it is, if I were in the park right now I would find it without looking for it and without rushing, because you should never rush a tree, I would find it not where I see it but where I feel it.
But now I live in another town, too far, far too far to go there for a walk. I think of my tree very often? Often I wonder what kind of tree it was and I regret I didn't pay more attention in biology class. Other times I think it doesn't matter because although you shouldn't talk to strangers, there was still a door and an armchair and a peaceful moment ready for me almost each time I went there.
Besides do I have a name in tree world?
You see I don't know.
On the last day I went to see it, there was a door, but there was no armchair. Instead: an invitation to climb a little so my feet were no longer touching the ground. Remember the roots are very bumpy especially as there was no armchair, so it is not as acrobatic as it sounds, really.
And as I was thinking at how grateful I was for all the good times I had here, how honored I felt to always have been made to feel so welcome, hoping there would be other times to come, and as I was thinking what a special and beautiful friend this was, well in my heart I felt my tree friend was telling me I could make a wish. Do you get that from time to time? You feel you are allowed to make a wish and it will be granted but only if it is a pure and true wish, sincere?
Well I made a wish. Of course I may not tell you what it was, because wishes are best kept a secret else they are no longer wishes...
The wind answered. I remember its answer, but I do not yet understand it, I will understand it when the time comes, the wind has its ways or the heart has to be ready for the answer... but time is more patient than humans sometimes are, and the wind is amused at leaving us with riddles...
yes it answered, but what?
Then something strange happened but I cannot say what as it is beyond my understanding, nearly beyond my perception, definitely something happened but it was so subtle. It lasted for a while, as long as I could take it with the acceptance, love and respect it deserved. And then I gently took my hands away buzzing and it gently stopped. Still my hands buzz when I think of it. Was it telling me my tree name ? so when I should meet other trees I should no longer be a stranger without a name to them, so I could plug into the root network from time when the time was right and keep in touch with my tree friend from tree world ? The riddle is not yet solved… the ripple is still travelling…
And somehow my wish became an oath. Isn't is like that with wishes sometimes they become promises?
//
I do not remember if I turned around to bid my tree friend farewell, but that moment was quite clear that that was the time it had chosen to say what it had to say... until next time... maybe... when the time is right... I hope...
You know, trees are patient, they can wait a long time...
Over the bridge that feels like a trampoline and past the flower bed, bud don't lay down on it even if it does not always have thorns because you might hurt the flowers, past the duck and swans, chirp hello, past the birds and the big peely trees that go by pairs, hey and past the ballerinas forever dancing and twirling don’t they ever get dizzy so long and thin, past the short fat chaps playing tree chess, past the statue that looks through you, look at the people running cycling chatting living having fun...
to my tree with the funny colored leaves, the low branches and bumpy roots
the moments that have gone belong to the past, and that is why turning back is forbidden, do not mess with time,
... but there might be more I hope, and there always is when I close my eyes and think of green and yellow and red and brown
//
colorful flames waltzing to the wind of time, forever mingling but not mixing, separately together, all at the same time yet distinct, close, so close, yet not in the same season, dancing in a pattern to complex to draw, so complete, so completely in the moment that it is out of time altogether,
an ode to life
and when I think of that
in my heart
I smile.
